Hunger

I have been working on giving myself, and being aware of, what it is that I truly hunger for.

I think, often, my hunger, (which is characterized more by a general feeling of discontentment than a growling stomach), is actually for God.

But I don’t expect that He will actually meet me. I don’t truly think that if I get alone with Him, I will come away satisfied.

So, instead, I watch mindless TV for hours, needing SOME WAY to relax and mentally check out for a while.

And you know what I usually feel in addition to mental rest? Bored.

I sit in front of the TV because it’s easy, even though I’m bored. Even though it’s not what I really hunger for.

I refuse to be a faithless believer anymore.

Lord, help me remember You love me. You delight in spending time with me.

Help me believe that You are NOT a God of limitations.

Often I think, “There’s got to be more. There has to be more opportunities for heaven on earth. There has to be potential for more depth to my relationship with God.”

And often in response to my own thought, I would shame myself and remind myself that we will always long for more, until heaven.

And while that’s true, I don’t think God would ever tell me there is no more. I don’t think He would ever shame me for wanting more. I think that our hunger for more is exactly where God wants us.

And I cannot imagine a place Satan would rather have me than believing that there is no more.

He is NOT a God of limitations!

Lord, help me live each day colored by You- the knowledge that You are.

Each day is significant. Each day matters.

Help me see You in it- Your goodness, Your power, Your love for me, Your smile, and the plan You have for my day.

Help me go through life aware of my greater purpose. Help me love the people I encounter over the course of my day with the love You have for them. Help me remember they are Yours.

Life isn’t mundane. It is beautiful. Each day is beautiful. There should be little room for boredom, I think.

Thank You, Jesus, that each day holds the potential that I will come to love You more.

Lord, help me never forget that YOU are my greatest desire.

It is YOU that I hunger for.

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Last Night I Dreamed…

I had a weird dream last night.

I was in Mexico, floating in the ocean, looking up at the yellow and pink sunset sky and thinking about how big and mighty God is, when people started screaming. I looked to my right and saw that one of the hotels on the waterfront was on fire. Smoke was billowing from the building and suffocating people on the beach.

And so I joined the crowd and ran. And I was scared because I was surrounded by smoke and couldn’t breathe, but I prayed that God would either deliver me from it or take me home.

And I saw this shining person on the horizon, smiling and holding out Their hand, and so I ran for The Person, knowing it was Jesus and He was leading me to safety. And I didn’t know if that safety was here on earth or in Heaven, but I didn’t care. I just ran for Him. And I shouted for everyone else to follow me, but no one could hear me amongst the choas.

And I came to a clearing, a little cove, where the smoke was just starting to reach and Jesus was still there, smiling a strong, confident, tender smile. I just prayed and prayed, “I want You. I just want You!” And the smoke was coming in behind me and I heard, “If you seek Me, you will find Me, when you search with your whole heart.”

And I prayed, “Lord, I want You to have my whole heart. Help me to seek you with that kind of passion!”

And Jesus smiled and gestured to my left. There was a rocky cliff, and I was supposed to climb it to get above the smoke. And I knew I wasn’t strong enough to climb it on my own, but I didn’t hesitate. I just obeyed. And God gave me strength. He helped me reach the top and set me down on top of the cliff. And when I looked down at the still shining, smiling Jesus, He gestured at the smoke with his hand and it retreated. It all backed out the way it came in.

And then, from the right, people dressed white came marching out, running, playing, singing. Old people, young people, all praising God. All people from heaven. And I was flooded with such peace and joy and awe and love. And I still didn’t know if I was alive or dead, but it didn’t seem important. I just stood there, safely above it all, watching and praising the mighty Lord we serve.

And then I woke up.

I wouldn’t mind seeing Jesus nightly in my dreams. There’s nothing like it. Even when my dream also contains an element of fear, it’s worth it when I’m staring at the outreached hand of Jesus.

I think, the second we cross over to heaven, we will say, “How silly it was of us to spend a single moment of our lives ever being afraid. We have always been held.”