Last night I was feeling worried about whether or not things in my life are going to turn out positively. The “what if!?” part of my brain was running away with me, and so I slowed it down by talking it through with God. At the end of my prayer, I felt relief and peace and gratitude, and I thanked Him that I am safe and secure in Him and that I don’t need to worry.
And then I rolled over in my bed, closed my eyes,
and started rationalizing exactly why it was that I didn’t need to worry.
I didn’t even realize I was doing it.
I had taken God’s promise to me and, rather than hold on to it in faith, I decided I needed it to make sense.
I did to my worries exactly what the world does to theirs- I found a human solution, a way of telling myself it would be okay.
A way of telling myself it would be okay that had absolutely nothing to do with God or my faith in Him.
I was putting my faith, unintentionally, in my circumstances.
He asks us to trust Him, to have faith like a child.
Life is hard. I’ll be the first person to throw my hands up and shout “amen” in response to that. It’s really, really hard.
But sometimes I think we make it a lot harder than it has to be.
Working everything out in my life? Making it all come together? That is scary. It’s hard. And it’s just not possible.
But trusting God? Just knowing it will be okay, even if I don’t know how, because I know I am loved? That is easy.
As a child, I didn’t rely on my appearance or on others’ positive reinforcement to feel secure in the world. I knew I was okay, that I was beautiful and smart and talented and had something to offer the world simply because my parents told me I did. Nor did I worry about how to pay the bills or whether or not my dinner was well-balanced. I just trusted my parents. I knew they’d take care of me. I didn’t know how, and I didn’t care to know how. I just trusted them.
And of course there’s something to be said for growing up and living responsibly and taking care of ourselves and striving to live a godly life, but our attitude towards worrying is still supposed to be the same.
How my heart breaks for children who have never have that, who had never had a life free from worrying, who have just been able to rest in the love of their parents.
And how my heart breaks for the adults who think we are supposed to outgrow that. We’re not.
We are still Someone’s child.
I am okay, and I will continue to be okay, no matter what comes. Because I am His child. I am His daughter. I am beloved. And so are you.
Faith like a child.
Yes, my faith will continue to grow and mature, but when life feels uncertain and my head is spinning, there’s something comforting about being able to go back to the simple truths I’ve known since my days of Sunday school.
Jesus loves me, this I know.
And He holds the whole world in His hands.