Most days, I have been diligently watering my plants. For me, this is huge. I am great at keeping my house clean, but when it comes to outside chores? I’ve never really had much of an interest. I kind of feel the same way about nature as I do my hair- “Let it be wild!”
When I was watering the other day, I discovered that my darling cat had killed a bird. I don’t do well with animal death. I handle episodes of 20/20 better than the animated Tarzan movie. Seriously. And while I am used to my cat killing things, this bird still had its whole face and head unmarred, and that was different to me. It was different than his usual faceless, unidentifiable victims. I saw the bird’s little beak and his closed eyes, and even now my eyes are filling with tears because it’s so sad and it’s so unfair- and it’s so just the way life is.
And so I looked at him for a moment, the bird, and I mentally said sorry to him for his painful and scary and early death.
And I told God how heavy that made my heart.
And then I turned around- just as a hummingbird whizzed past my head and began eating from the hummingbird feeder inches from my face.
And I stood there for probably three minutes watching it. It felt like a gift. It felt like a hug from my God.
And I don’t know the point of this story, aside from the fact that it has stuck with me for about a week, and I feel like it was a moment in my day that God was very much a part of and orchestrating.
I think lately my life has been a series of disappointments and challenges and letting go of expectations or things I had hoped for, and yet God is always there to hold me and hug me and provide for me. It’s like the hummingbird came into my life to remind me to keep my eyes open and appreciate what IS rather than spend all my time mourning what is NOT.
The hummingbird teamed up with God to remind me that life is hard, but it’s also really beautiful.
I am so glad He has a plan. I am so grateful that the pain of this life will eventually make sense. I am so glad that He is bigger and more beautiful than anything this life throws at us. I am so grateful that no hurt is too big for Him to heal.
I am so glad that He is all I need.
But still, I really hope all dogs (and cats and birds and pigs and donkeys…) go to heaven.