Protected: A Prayer

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Your face, Lord, do I seek.

Jesus loves me.

He LOVES me.

Inhale, exhale.

I get it, Michael W. Smith. This (He) is the air I breathe, too.

 

Romans 8:27
“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

2 Corinthians 4:16
“So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.”

Psalms 51:17
“Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.”

 

Hallelujah, hallelujah! Your love makes me sing.

Christmas Eve

You know that look mamas have on Christmas morning as they watch their babies open their presents while they sip their coffee and try to keep their hearts from exploding?

That look makes me cry.

Tomorrow morning, someone will look at me that way. Someone will notice how my right pajama pant leg is pushed up further than the left and the funny way my hair it sicking up at the crown of my head. Someone will notice the way my eyes crinkle when I’m trying not to smile and how my cheeks redden when that smile starts to produce tears and I’m trying to keep them from falling from my eyes and betraying me.

Tomorrow morning, someone will kiss my forehead and cup my cheek in their hand and smile lovingly at me. They will invite me to curl up with them on the couch and rest my head on their shoulder. They will call me daughter. We will watch the rain/wind/blue sky outside and talk together about how beautiful this world is with all its intricacies and perfect imperfections.

When I think about what I don’t have, it makes me cry. This time of year is really, really hard.

And yet, somehow, this time of year is also my favorite.

Hard is somehow easier to manage when it’s coupled with magic and hope, both of which seem more palpable this time of year.

And with every hard thing, every hurt and empty place, I am reminded that is why He came. He came so that we wouldn’t have to live broken and alone. We wouldn’t have to feel unwanted or unloved. He came to banish despair and shine a light on all the places where we thought there was no hope.

Every pain, every sorrow, reveals to me another way He is beautiful.

I have cried a lot lately. I am very teary. I cry in my car, in the pet food aisle at the grocery store, in the kitchen making tea, while in bed playing Solitaire…

And it’s funny to me, and beautiful, how when I cry because my heart feels shattered, I suddenly feel God stirring in there. As real as a mom might feel her baby in her womb, I feel the Holy Spirit swelling within my heart, breathing warmth and love- a hug from the inside. And suddenly my tears are not tears of pain and heartbreak, but tears of an entirely different sort. Joy. Peace. Hope. The truth that I am loved.

I know what it’s like to belong nowhere. To feel like no one has room for you.

And I know that God is near to the broken-hearted.

And when God is near, having a broken heart doesn’t seem like the worst thing in the world.

Thank you, Lord, that You came.

I will never stop being amazed at how much You love me.

Happy birthday.

I love You.

This Was Exactly What I Needed To Hear

All I want for Christmas is unfailing hope.

Lord, help me have complete faith in Your goodness and Your love for me. Help me never lose hope in a life that is beautiful and a future that is worthy of smiling about.

And still, You are all I really need. You are so, so good. You are so, so holy. And I am in awe of You.

Even when my heart is overwhelmed, the truth of who You are causes me to worship. I didn’t plan to come here and write praise to You, but it just flows out of me uncontrollably- further proof that You are in me and I am not my own.

I am not my own.
I am not alone.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude because You promise to never leave my side. And I can do ANYTHING with You by my side.

I am sad.

But more than that, I am passionately in love with You. And I am amazed that, no matter what my life looks like, You continue to draw me to You. I am rich because I am learning to know and love You more each day. And the more I know You, the less I think I need anything, or anyone, else.

Lord, I trust You with my heart. I trust Your plan for my life.

Holy, holy, holy.

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