Do you ever wish you could just waltz yourself into a therapist’s office, accompanied by an anesthesiologist, lay down on the couch and say to both of them, “Okay, do your work!” And then you’d wake up an hour or two later and all the pain you carried in your heart would just be gone? You’d be healed and refreshed and ready again to tackle life?
Because sometimes the thought of opening my mouth and speaking words or trying to give words to what my heart feels is just SO exhausting. I am TOO TIRED to talk. I’m TOO TIRED to problem solve. The best I can offer–and let’s be honest, I’m not even very good at this–is simply that I show up.
And that is why I sit here, on my couch, Bible before me, computer on my lap, cat at my side, eyelids at half-mast, pouring over Christian blogs and scripture. And I don’t think. I just take it in. I show up. I kneel before God. I admit my deficit. “I don’t have a plan,” I tell Him. “You are my Lord. And I will wait on You.”
My mind is empty. My heart is tired. But my eyes and soul are taking in truth. And somewhere, deep within me, my spirit rejoices.
And God? He smiles at me. He doesn’t care that my brain is too tired to form words or that my hair hasn’t been brushed in three days or that I can barely keep my eyes open, but that I am too restless to sleep. He is just pleased that I came to Him, that I realize that running to Him, over and over again, really is the best plan I could possibly have.
And now, some quotes:
“Renovate us, dear God, so we can see Your promises and the desires You have for our hearts. Help us to see the beauty of Your plans through the ugly of today. Give us the hope we so desperately need and the eternal vision we long for. Bring Your beautiful glory in this place.”
“God enters into our chaos. He is bigger. Our days are about the resurrected life. Empty tomb. New life. New hearts. Tastes of heaven in the mess. Hope in the storm. Grace in the moment. Joy in the crazy. Laughter through the tears. Because He is risen.”
“At the intersection of longing and limitation is where the miracle happens, both the water from wine kind and the joy in the midst of suffering kind. I’m learning a big part of living a redeemed life now, in this moment, is to pay attention to those moments where my longing and my limits intersect, to stand there with my friend Jesus, and together wait for the seed to grow. May we walk in this newness of life in our ordinary moments. May we wake up to our longings and hold them out to You. May we confess our limitations trusting You with outcomes. May we keep company with You as we wait for seeds to grow.”
“Dear God, What is it you want me to do today? What about tomorrow? What’s the long-term plan? Please show me. Don’t let me look left or right. Instead, equip me so that my life is a testimony to your grace, the grace poured out for me especially. I’m stepping out in faith today and trusting that if I just do love, community will come.”
“My need required trust. I couldn’t fix the painful things myself. I needed to trust that God was good. I needed to hold onto the hope of my good God. I needed to believe He was good even if I didn’t get the things I wanted. So I’ve been walking through that. Many times when I remind others that God is good, I’m really reminding myself. I need to remember His goodness in the midst of hard times. His ways. His time. His goodness in all things.”