I Love You

The number of times a day I whisper “I love You” to heaven? I don’t know, but it’s a lot. I

Every time my mind or heart starts to head in the direction of thinking I need anything more than I need Him, I whisper, “I love You,” reminding myself that it’s all about Him.

He is, even if I can’t feel that right now, the fulfillment of every need, every longing. He is the holder of my heart, the dryer of my tears, and the one who delights in my smile. He watches me sleep. He watches me play Solitaire on my phone when work is slow. He watches me eat lunch alone in my car. And He doesn’t get bored.

He’s always there.

He’s so deserving of a thousand “I love You’s.” And even that, obviously, in an understatement.

I am so desperate for Him, for His breath to fill up my heart and soul and make me alive in all the places I thought were dead.

And Satan or my own heart would love for me to put that hope, the hope of being loved and alive, in something or someone other than He who can actually fulfill it.

And I know, I know through trial and error, that this life is beautiful and amazing and the people in it are magical and so dear to me, but putting my hope in anyone or anything apart from Him is a mistake. No one, no thing, can be what my heart needs.

But oh, my heart is a slow learner.

And so I call to the Holy Spirit within me. Every time I say, “I love You,” I am trying to get my heart right. I am begging heaven for help- “Be Lord of my life, Lord of my heart. Help me find satisfaction and life in You. Don’t let me be misled.”

And on the good days? The days when I go to sleep feeling loved and secure and grateful to be alive? I pray the same prayer then. “I love You,” I say. “Help my joy not be dependent on life circumstances or the people in my life, Lord. Help the fact that You love me be enough to help me go to sleep every night feeling loved, secure, and grateful to be alive. Thank You for the blessing of today, thank You for this gift of happiness that comes easy. Thank You for every hug and kind word and how it represents You and reveals Your heart to me. Help me to turn to worship you, not the gifts You’ve given me.”

The more I learn to live in a state of worship and love and adoration for The King, The Great I Am, The Good Shepherd, the more alive I’ll feel. I suspect they’re linked- when I pray for love and aliveness, what I’m really asking for is more of Him.

And still, we need each other. He designed us that way. We are all connected. Brothers and sisters in Christ. We will spend eternity together as family.

Family.

*happy sigh*

This life is fleeting. There’s so much more going on than what we see. We MUST cling to what He says is true, even when life and our hearts are telling us something else.

For instance, I’ll trust that when He says “do not fear”, He means it. And I suspect that if I had His perspective, I’d throw my arms open wide, even in the midst of the sorrow and tragedy–in my own life and in the world–and worship Him.

We are held.

And the “I love You’s” I whisper to heaven? They’re numerous. But they don’t even begin to compare to how many times a day He whispers that to me. Or you.

Lord, give us ears to hear.

Eyes to see.

Hearts open and submitted to You.

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